I’ve bragged before about the beauty of my expense account, but whether it’s my money or someone else’s, I know when I’m getting ripped off.  Fifth Element brings an air of arrogance to Southbank (not that it’s too out of place) and it’s wound to 11, as are the prices.

I’d wanted to sample the cocktails at Fifth Element since it first opened – the bar and lounge areas are really funky, with cool waterfalls and oil burners scattered throughout and an ambience that always looks inviting as a passerby.

I arrived with a large group of colleagues and customers and threw the card behind the bar.  This usually arouses the interest of bar staff, but in this case I got nothing.  I tried some small talk with the bartender and even suggested he exercise his creative style by surprising me with my first cocktail.  Still nothing.

In the end I selected the Blood Orange cocktail which came presented in a stylish, tall glass.  It looked impressive but lacked that zing you expect from a fruity summer cocktail.  I suspect it wasn’t made with much love.  Fortunately my guests were all happy with beers in hands and we were lucky to have a long dry bar to sit at, which adequately catered for everyone’s tired legs.  Finally the wait staff caught on to the fact I was running a bar tab for this group and decided to provide us table service for drinks, which was a nice touch.

My temporary pleasure was dampened, however, when I requested a glass of Voyager Estate Sav Blanc and was promptly informed by the wine promoter that they had run out. Instead, I should try the wine he conveniently happened to be carrying around the establishment.  I sampled his sell, wasn’t particularly impressed, but agreed to buy a glass.  It was too tart and I couldn’t finish it so took to the bar in search of the extensive wine list. Scanning the room as I waited to be served, I noticed a shelf full of the Voyager Estate Sav Blanc I had originally requested!  Not impressed by the wine promoter’s dishonesty, I notified the bartender of what had happened, but again…nothing.

As an hour or two passed the group was getting peckish so I suggested we order some tapas.  I left one of my customers in charge of selecting the nibbles and some 30 minutes later I asked him what he had ordered.  His response shocked me.  He refused to order any food due to the prices and the lack of ‘simple’ food.  There were no chips/wedges or basic breads to share and the tapas were over priced for what was being offered.  I appreciated his sentiments to not abuse my credit card, but I was hungry too so against better judgment I ordered four plates of chicken skewers and four plates of calamari.  They were close to $15 per plate, each plate lucky to cater for two people’s appetite.  I must admit though, they were very tasty dishes.

Overall I had a pleasant night, but I can’t say I’d recommend Fifth Element to others.  The drinks were only slightly above average, but I would expect better service from an establishment that obviously prides itself on image and fancy cuisine (the a la cart menu is very posh).  I think the owners have forgotten that us Brisbanites are pretty casual, simple creatures and if they’re to be successful in bringing a bit of Melbourne to our town, they need to tone down the arrogance and wind up the love.

• Fifth Element Bar and Cellar, 1b/188 Grey St, South Brisbane +61 7 3846 5584

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