After being warned of substantial queue times due to its unprecedented popularity and novelty factor, I’d suggested to my party of 4 that we meet outside Harajuku Gyoza at 6pm on our recent Friday dinner date.  To my surprise, at 6pm, with the sun still up in the sky, there was indeed a queue about 10 deep already.  Cool – I’m actually ok with that – it was just a matter of how fast and in which manner the rapidly growing line progressed that set me off on the wrong foot.

 Every few minutes a coy, but smiley Harajuku Gyoza staff member would pop her head out the door, letting a gush of cool air conditioning and echo of rowdy banter out with her to check if there were any parties of 2, 3, 4 etc to be seated…..you get the picture.   With every turn, she lead us on a little more, teasing us with the smell of gyoza and the chinking of beer steins – why was it that tables of 5 and 6 or 2 and 3, who had seemingly queued for far less time that me and my party of 4, were allowed to enter before us?  Had I missed something?  Was my invitation lost in the mail?  Official gripe#1 – if, as a venue, you refuse to take bookings, you should get your queuing processes in order so not to show preferences to parties of different sizes – why should I be penalised because I have more or less friends than someone luckier than me?

 Half an hour later, we were in!  And we sure as hell weren’t going to leave in a hurry… out of pure protest – that, and it was so nice and cool inside.  Straight up we ordered a round of Kirin beers ($8 each) which arrived promptly in glass steins.

To put it simply – the place was going off.  There wasn’t a spare seat in the place – the booths, the tables, the bar…it was all packed and they were all in the midst of a gyoza frenzy!

The decor is pretty funky at Harajuku Gyoza – cool melamine-type plates with pretty Japanese landscapes on them line the walls.  The booth and table seating are also high on the funk factor.  The stools at the bar cater well for parties of 1, 2 or 3, however the stools are very close to the counter – long legged friends beware!  When new patrons enter, or existing ones leave, there is a roar of welcomes and goodbyes, Japanese style of course, which adds to the fun, friendly raucous.

Onto the food – after all, some noise, banter and decor doth not a great meal make.  To start we ordered a bowl of edamame beans ($4), which were really tasty, but perhaps the smallest bowl of edamame served…ever.

 All the gyoza dishes (which don’t photograph particularly well, sorry) come with 5 pieces per plate for $8.  You can get steamed or grilled gyoza, with all sorts of meat including chicken, pork, duck prawn and vegies.  So to kick things off, we got one of each filling, grilled style.  Well, they were delish – they just didn’t go far.

Next round, we ordered two chicken karage dishes to share.  At $8 per plate, here comes official gripe#2 – I can buy two whole chickens for $8!!  At Harajuku Gyoza, for $8, you get 5 little morsels of ‘popcorn’ style chicken.  Yep, it’s tasty…but at this point I was still hungry and I was cringing at the price my hunger was costing me.

Another round of grilled gyoza options and some more Kirin – and we continued to watch the queue outside grow and the place still continued to go off in true wacky, cool, fun, awesome Japanese style.  We decided to bite the bullet and try the apple gyoza with ice cream for dessert ($8 for 3 gyoza).  Well, this truly was a flavour explosion and well worth a try…but I still couldn’t stomach the price.

I had barely finished my apple pie gyoza and was washing it down with my last few mouthfuls of Kirin when one of the waitresses rushed over and insisted we hurry up and leave as there were a lot of people waiting to come in.  Well, without further ado, welcome official gripe#3….no explanation required.

I love the vibe they’ve got going on at Harajuku Gyoza.  I love the food.  I love the concept – like most things Japanese, it’s wacky but it’s awesome and the people are so god damn friendly.  I do not however love the price.  I do not love the attitude behind the concept of charging exorbitant prices for food that is very inexpensive to make and whose variety is very limited.  And finally to impose a get-out-quick rule after my party of 4 spent $170 on a dinner that didn’t satisfy our hunger…well, that just aint gyoza.

• Harajuku Gyoza – 394 Brunswick St, Fortitude Valley +61 7 3852 4624

There’s always a queue, if not 10 or so deep it’s well out the door, particularly in the evenings. 

There’s a general lack of order and grace in the whole ordering process. 

The staff seem generally disgruntled and unhappy to be there, most likely due to the aforementioned points above.  And let’s not forget, it’s hideously expensive…

So under normal circumstances, these points would pretty much stand a venue in good stead for a whopping great big NOT, but, with Max Brenner (for me anyway) it’s not the case. 

MM and I must be the last people in Brisbane to try Max Brenner at Southbank – basically, we don’t have much (read:  any) patience for queues.  In a moment of weakness however on a recent date night at Southbank, we committed ourselves and dived in head and tummy first.

It’s safe to say we were over the queue and the screaming children after about 30 seconds, but we stuck it out.  Tormented by the Max Brenner menu and its amazing combinations, painfully taunted by the man-sized blocks of chocolate and lolly jars jammed packed full of gummi bears and jelly beans behind the counter, I thought for a moment I had stumbled upon the happiest place on earth….and then the crazy kids in the queue went ferral again…

I was really keen to get myself around the tutti fruitti waffle – warm Belgian waffle drizzled with pure melted chocolate, served with ice cream, strawberries and bananas ($14 for 1 person, $18.50 for 2).  But MM choked on the price and I knew there was no way I could tackle it on my lonesome. 

Instead I settled for, but was still thoroughly excited by, the chocolate dip – a small bowl of warm, melted chocolate with strawberries to dip ($8.50) with a side of banana ($3.00) and marshmallows ($0.50). 

Wow.  I could live on this stuff….plenty of vitamins from the bananas and strawberries afterall!

MM took an option from the fridge cabinet (there are quite a few to choose from); he had the dreamy chocolate cloud ($9.50) which was a fluffy cloud of cream encased in a dark chocolate shell. 

A little on the rich side, MM was otherwise very impressed.  He washed it down with a cappuccino ($3.50).

So, our overall experience at Max Brenner was a little tainted by the queues, the people, the noise, the service….the list goes on, but in the defence of Max Brenner, these are mostly issues due to our own intolerances.  The concept for me, a self confessed chocoholic, is brilliant.  I love the idea, I love the smell, I love the menu and most of all I love the warm gooey chocolate.  It’s everywhere! 

•  Max Brenner – Shop 1.1 and 1.2, Stanley St Plaza, Southbank

Regulars to the Logan Rd precinct across from the Gabba (with the occasional tipple at nearby Canvas), Bistrot Bistro was a chance encounter for MM and I recently, even though we’d had our eyes on it for quite some time.

In an effort to take care of our hip pockets as well as our waistlines, we decided to keep it a low key affair, ordering only some bread to share, a main each and a dessert to share (as opposed to the usual bottle or two of French wine, bread, starters, mains and desserts – read: minimal sharing!).

The Bistrot Bistro restaurant itself is a beautifully restored and decorated warehouse with high ceilings, beautiful fittings, lovely art work, a gorgeous comptoir and romantic mood lighting.  The waiters were prompt, attentive and friendly – not too snobby but not too casual.

To start, we decided to be a little adventurous by choosing the duck liver pate, red wine jelly and baguette to share.  The baguette, which I suspect was baked onsite, was divinely doughy and the red wine jelly was so good that the normally non-red wine-jelly-eating MM even enjoyed it.  As for the foie gras – it’s official, we’re not fans.  The big, plump quenelle of pate was pretty much untouched, much to the waiter’s dismay; however, I’m sure to the trained palette, this pate would’ve been tantalising.

For a main I couldn’t go past the seafood bouillabaisse ($32), perfectly warming on a cold winter’s night.  Unlike other bouillabaisse I’ve tried in the past, Bistrot Bistro’s was not based on a thick tomatoey soup, but rather a light, fragrant broth with the odd minted pea sprinkled throughout.  The bugs, mussels, prawns and other fishy pieces were fresh and flavoursome, cooked to perfection and left me wanting more, however I was adequately full.

MM decided on the filet mignon, rare, on a bed of potato mash and red wine jus ($38).  Cooked to perfection, this was probably the best filet mignon we’d sampled in years – and that’s a big call from such regular carnivores as ourselves.  The red wine jus was light and the potato creamy and lump-less.

For dessert we shared the home made profiteroles with vanilla ice cream ($15).  Needless to say this were the perfect end to a lovely meal at Bistrot Bistro.

Our only regret is not ordering entrees in order to sample more of the beautiful, modern French cuisine on offer at Bistrot Bistro.

• Bistrot Bistro – 14 Logan Rd, Woolloongabba +61 7 3162 1185

Biagio is essentially a fine dining Italian restaurant, complete with the white linen tablecloths and service to match, but with modern and elegant decor and a relaxed, casual feel to it.  The price list isn’t exactly inexpensive, but the dining experience at Biagio is well and truly an exercise in value for money.

The menu is no less than exceptional, with almost too many items to choose from and unfortunately for my waistline, a hard-to-go-past Italian feast – a seriously delicious and creative 11 dishes.  This was a birthday celebration for yours truly, so we decided to lash out a little….okay, a lot…by choosing the Italian feast ($89 per head) and an accompanying few bottles of Cape Mentelle Sauvignon Blanc ($39 – Biagio is also BYO wine, which we were unaware of at the time).

The feast started with a lovely, onion free tomato and olive oil bruschetta.

The share plates that followed were plentiful but not too filling, rich in flavour (but not too overbearing) and contained the freshest produce, including seafood and meat, salad and vegetables.  I can’t remember an Italian meal so thoroughly enjoyed unanimously by a group of people in my presence!

First up – whole, local calamari grilled and served with a Sicilian salmoriglio of extra virgin olive oil, lemon and fresh herbs.

Cozze Sute – blacklip mussels served in a light tomato sauce with a touch of white wine, extra virgin olive oil and fresh herbs.

Gamberi Sute – large Queensland banana prawns sautéed with extra virgin olive oil, white wine, a touch of tomato, chilli and garlic.

Capesante – grilled half shell Queensland scallops served with salmoriglio.

Moreton Bay bugs grilled and served with salmoriglio.

Gnocchetti con Polpa di Granchio – petite (we’re talking small here, I feel for the chef who had to make these tiny morsels with their bare hands!) potato gnocchi served with fresh crab meat, tomato, extra virgin olive oil, chilli and coriander.

Costolette di Agnello all Griglia – sovereign 5 star lamb cutlets chargrilled and served with salmoriglio.and seasonal green vegetables.

Scaloppine al Ragu di Funghi Porcini – grass fed tender veal medallions panfried and served with slow cooked porcini mushroom ragu.

For dessert, we received a large share plate with selections of Biagio’s decadent homemade desserts including cannoli, pannacotta with strawberries, profiteroles, chocolate mud cake…the list goes on.

I couldn’t fault a single dish in the Italian feast at Biagio and I can’t even pick a favourite – they were all exceptional, well presented and generously portioned.  The flavours were authentic and passionate, as was the service.  I’ll be returning to Biagio in no time to sample some of the other items from the a la carte menu.

• Biagio Restaurant – 191 Musgrave Rd, Red Hill +61 7 3369 7417

One of the participating retailers is the ultra cool and seriously original Stone and Metal Contemporary Jewellery.  Located just off James St, Stone and Metal is an almost hidden treasure and well worth a visit if original, chunky, raw, delicate, how-did-they-do-that pieces are your kind of thing.

The Stone and Metal gallery beautifully displays contemporary jewellery from around the world as well as hand crafted pieces from Australian designers.  Just my luck, the beautiful sterling silver bracelet bundle I had my eye on was a little (ok, a lot) outside my price range but there are plenty of affordable designs as well, of all shapes and sizes.

Combinations of sterling silver pieces with pretty gemstones, chunky aquamarine, amethyst and other rocks of beauty (ok, geology’s not my strong point!) feature in the beautiful display cases.

Owner and super-goldsmith Samantha showcases her own handcrafted pieces which are a perfect balance of strength, delicacy and femininity.

The Art on James program will bring a new, fresh vibe to the already fashionable James St precinct and it’s so refreshing to see Brisbane embracing these sorts of initiatives.  The retailers such as Stone and Metal are putting on bubbles, tunes, nibbles and more to flaunt their wares as well doing their bit to support local contemporary artists.

• Stone and Metal – Shop 3/60 James St (Cnr Arthur St), Fortitude Valley +61 7 3254 4454

The Stamford Plaza is a great location for the Brisbane arm of Moo Moo’s (after all most of the real estate down on Eagle St Pier is taken).  There is something very grand and sophisticated about the Moo Moo’s decor and overall feel, which I think matches the similar qualities of the Stamford Plaza Hotel.

My party of 3 sat overlooking Edward St and the Port Office Hotel, which was quite a nice people watching spot and a lovely area to sip crisp white wine, tucked away from the bulk of the lunch goers.  We all agreed that both entrees and mains were a must have, in order to get a full appreciation of the Moo Moo’s menu, which was very, very impressive.

Big Phil decided to have the sea scallops with confit pork belly, wasabi cream corn and soy poached quail egg ($26).  A really well plated combination, the black sesame encrusted scallops were cooked perfectly and the pork was tender with just the right amount of crackling.

Knowing I wouldn’t have steak for a main, I figured I should have the peppered carpaccio of beef tenderloin with caper berries, pecorino, apple, curry oil emulsion and watercress ($25).  The slivers of beef were smooth and rich…every component of the dish worked.  However, it was a little on the dry side.

Tommo chose his hand very well and I had to hold myself back from stealing his entree from under his nose.  The Moo Moo’s Szechuan glazed Mooloolaba tiger prawns with fennel angel hair pasta ($26) was indeed the pick of the lot; it was fragrant, fresh and right up my alley….

Onto the mains and as predicted, both my companions chose from the long list of beef options.  All sorts of ‘x’ aged and ‘something’ fed varieties were on the list and the gents were very torn over which to choose.  I didn’t mimic their enthusiasm and although I love a good steak, I had no desire for it on this occasion and I tuned out a little when they made their decisions (sorry!).

What I can tell you is their choices of steak (both around $50) were both cooked as requested, and presented beautifully, the t-bone on its very own chopping board with gravy and roasted roma tomatoes.

I chose the yellow King Fish curry with prawns, spiced pear chutney, jasmine rice and yoghurt ($39).  The flavour was exceptional – very Thai, very fragrant, pleasantly spicy and the sweet flesh of the seafood bits and pieces made a perfect match.

The slow, lazy lunch was memorable and I’d return in a heart beat to Moo Moo’s.  The staff are friendly and helpful, with intimate knowledge of the menu and cuts of beef available.  I can’t comment on whether the Moo Moo’s steaks are worth the big bucks, but if their other fine menu options are any indication, then the steaks will surely be a cut above the rest.

• Moo Moo (The Wine Bar & Grill) – Stamford Plaza, Edward St, Brisbane +61 7 3236 4500

Green Papaya has good genes; the owners are those responsible for the very popular Mons Sabai Thai in Camp Hill. The elegantly mood-lit Green Papaya dining area is spacious and open-plan with a direct line of sight to the hard working geniuses in the kitchen.

Upon being seated, MM was granted the privilege of selecting a bottle of white for our party of three to sip on, as we feverishly studied the menu containing both Thai and Balinese dishes.  Steering mostly towards the Thai influences for starters, we shared a few plates of your standard Thai entrees, however there was nothing standard about them. The curry puffs with minced chicken, potato and onion ($7.90) were light and fluffy on the outside with a delicious, mildly spicy filling.

The sate madura, or chicken satay skewers, ($13.90) were made with fresh, lean chicken pieces with a home-made satay sauce with the perfect balance of peanut chunks, tang and spice, without too much clag factor.

One of the entrée specials for the evening was the duck spring rolls (sorry, no price); tender cooked pieces of duck meat drizzled with hoisin, wrapped in a crispy spring roll case. Beautifully presented in a Villaroy & Boch coffee cup, the duck wraps were delightful, however my favourite was the sate madura.

The mains were definitely a tough decision, with so many delicious Balinese and Thai options to choose from including old favourites, but so many new and innovative combinations as well. Without a second thought I chose the island duck curry ($19.90); roast duck in red curry sauce with coconut milk, pineapple, lychee and tomato – served in a half-pineapple shell! Duck curries are my Achilles’ heel at the moment and Green Papaya delivered a hands-down winner with this dish.

Under the Balinese banner, the beautifully presented tamarind snapper – crispy fried and topped with crispy ginger and tamarind sauce ($25.90) was perfectly cooked and the flesh gently infused with fragrant ginger and hints of chilli.

Another item from the specials board, the boys decided the barbequed Kangaroo with papaya salad and dark dipping sauce was a must-have. This was a fresh, modern approach and an exceptional example of how kangaroo meat should be cooked.

Compliments of the manager, we were lucky enough to be treated to one of Green Papaya’s signature dishes – the Penang king prawns ($21.90) with local, king sized prawns in a creamy and peanut sauce. Without a doubt, this was the best Penang sauce I’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting and the boys had a fight on their hands to even get a taste.

The array of beauty that lay on our table was almost overwhelming…..every dish was beautifully presented with fresh garnishes good enough to eat (but almost too perfect to touch!), and dipping sauces that you could lick straight from the spoon. The sauces in which the meat dishes bathed were full of flavour, not heavy and not one bit boring.

To me, Green Papaya is Brisbane’s answer to the Spirit House in Yandina (minus the lake and water dragons of course…) with regards to their quality of taste, preparation, creation and ingenuity. The modern menu demonstrates their passion for delivering high quality, creative yet traditional food and they certainly have that WOW factor I’ve been looking for.

Thanks to the staff and management at Green Papaya for inviting us to sample what could possibly be Brisbane’s best Thai!

• Green Papaya – 898 Stanley Rd, Woolloongabba +61 7 3891 5000

Japanese cuisine never ends up being a cheap eat; whether you’re taking sushi from the train, doing Tepanyaki, or having a sit down al a carte style meal.  Sake is certainly no exception however the price tag matches the quality of food, the service and overall experience pretty much perfectly.

Red and I were out for a Monday lunch in between meetings and Sake was on the must- try list for both of us.  We were greeted pleasantly upon arrival by both floor staff and the kings of the kitchen who overlook the dining area as they whip up their master pieces.  

Sake is a huge venue (to match the huge list of sake options on the drinks menu!), decked out with typically traditional Japanese fittings, with private and intimate dining rooms for both small and large groups, as well as standard tables and booths for casual dining. 

It was explained to us that whilst most Sake dishes contain traditional Japanese elements, Sake’s menu provides a contemporary twist on the traditional fare, and is portioned mostly to cater for shared dining.  Sounded pretty good to us…

We began with the sashimi appetiser with 8 pieces of sashimi including salmon, tuna, king fish and barramundi ($17).  The sashimi was fresh and ice cold and the barramundi was a nice, unusual twist to the platter.

Next up was the steamed king prawn dumplings ($16); 6 pieces of Chinese inspired shumai (dumplings) with spicy ponzu (citrus juice).  This dish was one of my favourites – the shumai were rich in texture, plump full of prawn meat and although the flavour of the ponzu was a strange combination of sour and spice, it all worked. 

Red’s pick of the lot was the Wagyu new style ($24) which was a long, generous serve of the thinnest slices of wagyu beef, lightly seared with hot oil and finished with ginger, chives and yuzu soy. Enough said.

We finished things off with the tonkatsu cups ($15); 4 pieces of panko fried pork belly and spring onion bites, served in lettuce cups with mustard miso and Japanese barbeque sauce.  These were the smallest tastiest cups of battered pork katsu curry ever but they were a serious package of flavour and the textures in the dish once again were amazing.

The portions at Sake are small, but the flavours are quite rich, so the concept of sharing different plates works well.  If you’re uber hungry, you’re better off ordering a couple of share plates and a main to yourself, because in all honesty after spending close to $70 between us we weren’t exactly bursting at the seams, but we thoroughly enjoyed our Sake experience.

• Sake – Level 1, 45 Eagle St, Eagle St Pier +61 7 3339 0999

Just to set the scene and give you a bit of background on Spirit House – the owners purchased the land in Yandina in the mid 90’s and spent a long four years working on the landscaping alone to give their patrons a truly serene, peaceful and cultural experience as they walk through the Spirit House gates.  A short trek through palm laden gardens and thick jungle rain forest laced with flickering lanterns and the occasional water dragon will set the scene for a remarkable dining experience, well removed from the rat race.

Along with its renowned Thai cooking school, the Spirit House premises are nestled in the leafy surrounds around a peaceful lake with intimate seating catering for couples, small groups, or larger functions.

Spirit House dining consists of to two seatings – MM and I took a 6pm booking and had the benefit of wandering through the serene gardens in the early evening and enjoyed watching a humid, cloudy dusk fall over the premises which added to the overall experience.

Our waiter was vibrant and friendly and made a few good recommendations on cocktails and dishes to choose from.  The Spirit House master minds pride themselves on their tasting plates to share and MM and I weren’t about to buck the system.  The shared dining menu boasts many contemporary Asian flavour combinations (too many to choose from in fact) and we embraced the share plate theme in a big way, deciding on 4 plates (all priced at $12) between just the two of us for entrees.

The crispy pork belly with citrus caramel sauce was as good as it sounds.  The tender pork belly meat was ribboned with just the right amount of juicy streaks of fat and a thin layer of crackling on top.  The citrus sauce was like nothing I’ve ever tasted and we both literally licked our plates clean (all class).

We next divulged the candied lemongrass scallops with charred pineapple and three flavour dressing.  I don’t know what the three flavours were, but they were tangy, sweet and spicy all at once and the scallops were cooked to perfection.

The miang of smoked prawn with finger lime, chilli and palm sugar was again an amazing mix of flavours and it’s hard to fathom that such a wonderful balance of intense heat, sweetness and sour tang can be achieved in one small mouthful.  Finally, the soft shell crab with chilli garlic sauce tasting plate was my least favourite of the entrees, but this is not to say that it wasn’t delicious. It just didn’t carry the same uniqueness and grace that the previous dishes had delivered.

After insisting on a small hiatus between entrees and mains to allow some time for digestion and recovery from what was truly an exceptional culinary experience, I waited with bated breath on the arrival of our two main dishes which we also shared.

MM was sold on the char grilled beef ribs with sweet chilli dressing ($39) and on their arrival to the table it was love at first sight.  The tender meaty ribs were resting on a tangy, summery citrus mint salad and when all the flavours were combined it was a truly original, sumptuous flavour explosion.

Our second main was the lemon grass curry of chicken with Kaffir lime ($36).  This was described as a dry curry but it rested in quite a lot of sauce and the dish was packed to the brim with fresh, plump chicken breast pieces.  The lemongrass flavour was strong but not overwhelming; while the chilli paste packed a reasonable punch it wasn’t too much.  Again, the Spirit House kitchen magicians managed to present a beautiful dish with each authentic spice individually discernable yet perfectly balanced and so well matched to its neighbouring flavour.

Top buttons down, we settled for green tea instead of dessert and sighed in a true state of contentment and awe.

Don’t expect to have much in the way of spare change after your visit to Spirit House.  If you just go for a main meal, then perhaps your hip pocket won’t be too badly hit, but to be honest you probably shouldn’t bother if you’re not going to exhaust the majority of options on this exceptional menu.

• Spirit House – 20 Ninderry Rd, Yandina, Sunshine Coast +61 7 5446 8994

I’ve always quite enjoyed a Friday lunch at the Boatshed Restaurant – the venue is open and breezy with a nice casual, summery vibe to it.  It literally feels like you’re dining in a super-sized boatshed but with a distinct lack of sweaty bodies wearing unflattering lycra outfits.

Same vibe on this most recent occasion, however the food and the service were most disappointing.

Once seated we were kept waiting for over 10minutes before even being asked if we would like a drink.  From there, it took almost 20 minutes for our beers and ciders to arrive.  Several waiters wafted past without making eye contact and this pretty much set the tone for the rest of our stay.

Onto the food….and on a positive note, we shared a dozen oysters Kilpatrick ($27.50) which I must say were up there with the best of them (and I’ve tried a lot of oysters over the years!).

Unlike the drinks, the mains arrived quite promptly.  I decided on the potato gnocchi with a sauce of chardonnay, parmesan, olives and roasted plum tomatoes ($25.50).  Perhaps too heavy a dish for this time of year, but in any case the gnocchi was stodgey and didn’t seem overly fresh to me.  The tomato sauce lacked vibrancy and flavour and if it weren’t for the visible chunks of plum tomatoes I could have sworn a tin was to blame for the lack of flavour (but hey, even I can make tinned stuff taste good!).

DP has a penchant for fillet mignon, so chose the 250g grass fed Bos Indicus ($32.50) medium rare.  Unfortunately the chef missed the mark on the medium rare as it was closer to medium-well and my colleague, renowned for being a whinging pom, now had some new ammunition to play with.

PT chose the 450g Sirloin on the Bone ($34.50) with a side of traditional Caesar salad.   There weren’t too many complaints from his side of the table, however he remarked that he wouldn’t rush back to the Boatshed Restaurant for a steak any time soon.

That was the general consensus within the group.  I suspect we were all mostly disappointed with the service, which is a shame as I’d really hoped to impress the crew with a tasty meal and a new experience.  I still won hearts and brownie points, but I don’t think the same goes for the Boatshed Restaurant.

• Boatshed Restaurant – Regatta Hotel, 543 Coronation Drive, Toowong +61 73871 9533

Friends had recommended we visit a shop on the North side of town that would solve our mirror issues, but unfortunately they didn’t know the name of it, they just gave us general directions.  Like the blind leading the blind, somehow we made it to the said ‘mirror shop’, which as it turns out is called The French Corner.

I wasn’t expecting this to be successful; after all we were unsure of what we really wanted in a mirror, and these things never end up being easy (or cheap).  When we walked through the doors of The French Corner….voila!  It took only seconds to find a perfect match for our dining room and then fall in love with pretty much every item in this delightful French inspired shop.

From prints of Paris and the River Seine in the 1920’s, to old clocks, handbags, jewellery, storage holders, bedroom suites and framed photographs of the gorgeous Audrey Hepburn, The French Corner has so many beautiful trinkets, furniture and clothing items which ooze sophistication, class and taste. 

A purchase from The French Corner will set you back anywhere from $20 to $2000.  There is no end of stock (kept beautifully clean, dust-free and well maintained) but store owners Gary and Ann have handpicked a selection of suppliers to bring to their clientele individual and original pieces that don’t have the slightest hint of gaudiness, but rather inspiration, beauty and warmth. 

Whether you’re looking to trim your home or adorn yourself with jewellery and accessories, The French Corner will bring out the creative decorator within you and with professional, friendly service you’ll no doubt be pleased to support this local business.

• The French Corner – 240 Enogerra Rd, Newmarket +61 7 3856 4321

My party of 6 arrived for a midday seating and the large, beautifully fresh and well appointed alfresco dining room was filling rapidly – a Spring-induced buzz filled the air at Jellyfish and I suspect everyone was of the opinion it was far too nice to be stuck in the office.

Our waitress was a little dishevelled herself and although it took some effort to get the Jellyfish specials menu right, she certainly entertained us with her wit and banter (big points for personality!).  We kicked things off with some sourdough with truffle butter which was a little rich for my liking, but a nice touch none the less.

The entrees menu was full of fresh, fishy choices – all of which sounded delicious, but for me it’s always hard to go past the oysters…so I didn’t.  The fresh, chilled Pacific oysters were natural, with a side of spring onion and Jerez vinegar (8 for $24) and were probably some of the best I’ve had in a very long time.

Princess chose the Stradbroke Island prawns with aioli dipping sauce ($24).  The tiny fried creatures were presented whole and lightly battered to a perfect crispness, ready to be munched heads and all.

BigPhil chose the tempura soft shell mud crab with green chilli and spring onion accompanied by a side of wasabi mayonnaise ($26).  He wasn’t too awed by the dish and suggested it was standard as far as soft shell crab goes.

Ed on the other hand was very impressed with his spicy fish tacos ($26) which looked exceptionally well constructed.

The mains menu at Jellyfish holds a range of fresh fish choices including barra, whiting, squire, kingfish and more – all with recommendations on whether it should be battered, fried, crumbed or grilled and advice on the best accompanying sauces.  There is a great range of sides to choose from to compliment your choice of fish.  If you’re looking for more than just a piece of fish, there is an ala carte menu full of mouth watering dishes.

Here’s a taste of what was on order at our table:

Seared tuna (rare) with soy and wasabi ($30).

Hiramasa Kingfish with cherry tomato compote ($30).

Spaghettini, Tasmanian clams, prawns, white fish, baby zucchini, garlic and parsley ($37).

Carnaroli risotto, wild river barramundi, saffron, fresh peas, fennel and lemon ($37).

Thai style red curry, Port Lincoln leather jacket, basil, kaffir lime, snake beans ($38).

Side dishes of new potatoes, garlic, parsely ($7.50), wild rocket, parmesan, rhubarb vinegar ($7.50), steamed Asian greens, oyster sauce ($7.50).

Each of us were impressed with how the Jellyfish mains were presented and tasted.  The dishes all had a unique construction and were well complimented by our chosen sides to share.  They were cooked delicately but with big handfuls of flavour and passion.

There were only two of us brave enough to squeeze in dessert and boy I’m glad we did.  For someone who’d normally rather eat a pie than a cake, I have to say this chocolate fondant with double cream, mint and raspberries ($18) was exceptional.

The price tags at Jellyfish are sizeable and it’s probably best to point out that this lunch was all expenses paid on the corporate credit card.  I would however return in a flash to spend my own hard earned cash on the Jellyfish menu.  If you’re a seafood lover and don’t mind a good view as well, then Jellyfish is a must.

• Jellyfish Restaurant – Boardwalk Level, 123 Eagle St, Brisbane +61 7 3220 2202

Although I quite enjoy it, German fair would not be my pick of venues for a Saturday night dinner with friends or family, but MM’s side of the family used to live just round the corner from Black Forest and thought it might nice to head back to their old stomping ground.

The bustling cafe was packed full of smiling punters and it was great to see mostly German nationals running the show (in traditional German costumes too).

Typical of a German venue, the beer menu was just as extensive as the food menu and I had a tough time deciding which cool ale to choose.  Three or four Lowenbrau’s later…..

The Black Forest menu was full of schnitzel options, sauerkraut-accompanied melees of sausages, meat upon meat with more meat and sauerkraut, and of course pork any way you like.  There were varied options at our table of 8, below is a selection of these – note how huge the dish sizes are, I don’t think a single one of us managed to get through our meal.

Jaegerschnitzel ($28.90), pork schnitzel with champignons, onion, white wine, tomato paste, bacon, sour cream and home made spaetzle (noodles).

Nuernberger Rosbratwuerstchen ($27.90), Sausages originating from Nuernberg with sauerkraut and mashed potato.

Holzfaeller Steak ($29.50), wood cutters steak marinated in olive oil and red wine for 24hours served with brandy sauce and spaetzle.

Muenchener Schweinshaxe ($31.90), oven roasted pork hock with sauerkraut and Bavarian dumplings.

Black Forest boasts to have the most authentic German meals in Brisbane with specialist dishes that you won’t even find outside of Bavaria and Munich.  I’ve not done the rounds of other German venues to find out, but we did thoroughly enjoy our meals and the overall experience.  There was even some entertainment by way of the wandering piano accordionist who even took requests towards the end of the night.

• Black Forest German Cafe Restaurant – 196 Gladstone Rd, Highgate Hill +61 7 3217 2180

A testament to Brisbane finally growing up and getting a life, when we walked into Drift just after 6.30pm on this Wednesday night, we were informed they were fully booked and we’d have to wait for the 8pm seating. We chose to take a seat in the bar/lounge area and crack a bottle of Sav Blanc to pass the time.

The décor has totally been revamped since its Oxley’s days - Drift has an old-school jazz and cabaret club feel to it. Bottles of Moet lined the walls around the bar, a lady sat at the grand piano singing pleasant but dated tunes and the staff hurried around with an air of arrogance and sophistication. From my initial 30 second appraisal, I couldn’t help but feel I was a little out of place – particularly when the bulk of the clientele walking through the door were my parent’s age.

After ordering the bottle of wine from their extensive list, I was a little shocked when the waiter waltzed back over and insisted I show my ID. Sure, one should probably take this as a flattering gesture, but how many under aged patrons come in wearing business attire? To soften the blow he kindly requested my two colleagues show their ID as well, but only gave them a token glance over. When it registered in his head that I was over 30, he gave a mild shriek followed by half an apology. Sigh…

8pm finally ticked over and after being promised a table three times, I managed to stop one waiter in his tracks and request that we be seated at last (my eyebrows were raised – he knew I meant business). Once we were seated the service was very prompt and professional, however a little stale and false for my liking. The Drift menu however was innovative and mouth watering and it was hard to make a call on what to have.

For an entrée I chose the crumbed goats cheese, zucchini flower and asparagus atop a cauliflower puree ($18). MM loves his sashimi style dishes, so he chose the ocean trout tartar with salmon caviar, salted cucumber and wasabi-avocado cream ($19). Big Dog’s choice (the best of the three in my opinion) was the Gladstone scallops, chorizo and crisp pork belly dusted in cumin, with quince paste ($21).

The goats cheese dish was really pleasant and beautifully presented, however the zucchini flower was very small and wasn’t stuffed as they usually are. This meant that the dish really was just the crumbed platform of cheese and had no other element of real substance to compliment it or balance out the strong cheese flavour.

MM’s tartar was a great composition of raw flavours and the dish presented very well however, he thought it was lacking an element of flavour that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.  Either way it needed a bit more punch. Big Dog’s scallops looked exceptional and again Drift gets top marks for presentation. The scallops and chorizo were in my mind a strange combination but they seemed to work and both were cooked to perfect texture. The pork belly however was overcooked and whilst the cumin dusting was a nice touch, the meat was too stringy and didn’t melt in your mouth like a good piece of pork belly should.

The mains were of similar standard when it comes to the look of the dish – this is something Drift really excels at and obviously take a lot of pride in. I chose the macadamia encrusted snapper with prawn ragout in a creamy citrus sauce ($33). The fish was cooked perfectly however the macadamia lid resting on top was too sweet and in fact it tasted like a crust of brown sugar. With the sweetness of the creamy sauce as well, it was a little too much for my palette but overall it was a nice dish.

MM’s choice of the honey glazed duck breast with cinnamon and blood orange sauce ($35) brought the little green monster out in me. Whilst the duck was a little over-cooked, the flavour and composition of the dish was spot on and I wanted it!

Big Dog chose the Drift special of the day – Moreton bay bugs in Rendang sauce atop a bed of coconut rice (sorry, no record of the price for this one). There was a generous serve of the beady eyed creatures, and The Dog enjoyed devouring these treasures of the sea.

We were too full to even look at the dessert menu and by this stage we really just wanted to get home; the service had started to wane and any hint of vibrant atmposhpere that may have existed earlier in the evening was certainly nowhere to be seen now.

The overall experience at Drift was pleasant, but it was tainted by little moments of pretentiousness and neglect that lead me to rate this as NOT. To be honest, I wouldn’t recommend it to any of my friends who were looking for a fine dining experience, as there are plenty of vibrant venues around our beautiful city with better food and friendlier service. Interestingly enough, Drift has just won the award for best new restaurant at the Savour Australia Restaurant & Catering Awards for Excellence.

• Drift – 330 Coronation Drive, Milton, +61 7 3368 1866

In general SONO is not cheap – it’s a restaurant for expensive and refined Japanese fine dining. However, if you can make it on a Wednesday, Thursday or Friday, you can partake in the good value $25 lunch menu. A large tray is brought out to you with much ceremony, and it contains several slices of salmon sashimi or prawn avocado sushi, a dish of garden salad dressed with a sharp vinaigrette, a bowl of soothing and rich miso soup, steamed rice and your choice of one of the five main courses – chicken teriyaki, mini wagyu sukiyaki, simmered pork belly, salmon teriyaki and assorted tempura.  My pork belly was soft and juicy, RM’s tempura was pretty good although a little on the heavy side, but I think the best option was W and D’s  mini wagyu sukiyaki, which came served in an earthenware hotpot steaming with slices of beef, a rectangle of tofu and various vegetables.

You can’t get much better than $25 for a filling meal in lovely surroundings. Note that SONO has a sister restaurant in the city on Queen Street Mall but the $25 lunch menu is not available there.

• SONO Restaurant Portside Wharf, 39 Hercules St, Hamilton +61 7 3268 6655

Melbourne is renowned for its utilisation of the funky laneways that branch from main streets of the CBD: bars, cafes, boutique shops…you name it, in the laneways down there they’ve got it.

Brisbane, however, has been a little slow on the uptake.  We have plenty of laneways, but there’s not much doing aside from rubbish bins and maybe a few groggy party goers late on a Friday night.

So I was driving down Margaret Street a few weeks ago when to my surprise I noticed a street sign labelled The Laneway.  I did a lap of the block and came back to see that Spencer Lane (across from the Stamford Plaza) has indeed been Laneway-ed!!  Sure, there are the alleyway rubbish bins, but beyond that is a funky new entrance, giving way to a cool, very Melbourne-esque bar (The Laneway), bistro (The Euro) and exclusive restaurant (Urbane).

I had heard rave reviews about Urbane, so decided to sample the goods on a balmy Saturday evening with my other half and another couple.  Designed by local architects Arkhefield, the features of the long, narrow Urbane dining area are very modern with clean lines and simple, classic colours amongst the timber floor, shelving and entry way.

When MM and I entered we were watched closely by the patrons, which was a little unnerving – perhaps it had something to do with my Steve Maddens making a right racket on the wooden floor?  The majority of diners consisted of couples looking dreamily into each other’s eyes (when they weren’t gawking at us) and having quiet, intimate conversation.  A little clinical and sterile was my immediate impression.

Our friends joined us shortly after and finally we were able to get a bit of laughter and ambience into the room.  The wait staff greeted us promptly and reminded us that we had signed up for the 6 course degustation menu.  We glanced over the set menu and all gave nods of approval.  We chose to have the wine degustation as well – why not let the experts chose the wine for us?

No one at our table had tried a degustation experience before.  Most of the courses on the set menu sounded mouth watering, but I had my doubts on how sufficient the portions would be. In the back of my mind I was flashing dollar signs – the degustation experience isn’t cheap, and this meal wasn’t on behalf of anyone’s corporate expense account.

The first tasty morsel was lobster, almond gazpacho, capers and lime meringue – very small, but a flavour sensation and it was served in the most fascinating conical shaped glass.  The second sample was one of my favourites – yellowtail kingfish with Japanese inspirations.  Again the serving was quite small but the fish was fresh, light and melted in your mouth.

The third plate was questionable….but perhaps my palate’s not cultured enough for this sort of experimental cuisine – it was foie gras in a white chocolate bonbon, with gingerbread, carrot and dark chocolate.  To be honest, the rich flavour of the duck pate didn’t mix well with the sweetness of the chocolate.  This dish didn’t really work for any of us at the table and it was too rich for me to finish (more dollar signs flashing).

From there, we were served slow cooked pork belly with apple, onion and rhubarb – another taste sensation with not a scrap left on the plate, except for my crunchy crackling (which I would have loved to pick up with my fingers and shovel into my mouth – not the kind of behaviour this establishment would encourage so thought it best to let go).

Now that we were into the main dishes I was really starting to enjoy the degustation experience – the portions were more liberal and the combination of flavours was unusual and delicious.  Next on the bill of fare was the stand out for me – venison with raspberry, beetroot, cocoa and hints of liquorice.  This was my first taste of venison and it fell gracefully away as I cut into it and melted in my mouth; the liquorice and cocoa worked well with this dish which really surprised everyone on the judges panel.

Onto the dessert items and the first was lightly poached peach with jasmine flower, lychee, sesame and almonds with a scoop of creamy vanilla ice cream.  MM thought this sort of food was best served at breakfast, but I thought it was a perfect balance of fresh and light with a little bit of sweetness.

Following this was a tray of petite fours which included a chunk of creamy aerated milk chocolate (MM thought perhaps they had sampled an aero bar from the local 7-11?!), compressed watermelon and a green tea sponge cake.  All in all a very nice, light finish to our meal.

The wines that complimented our meals were very well matched to the food that was presented.  There was a mix of

aged French red, white and sparkling wines as well as some locally grown and bottled.  We imbibed sufficient wine to warrant a taxi home, but with no hangover the next morning.

Would I return to Urbane?  Yep, no risk – but next time I will be dining from the a la carte menu.  The degustation was a great way to sample a range of items from the menu, but the portions are small and it’s a bit of a tease.

Unfortunately by the time we had finished it was almost midnight and we were feeling the pinch from a late night and full stomachs, so we chose not to have a night cap at The Laneway.  Its décor and ambience looks fresh and exciting for Brisbane and I can’t wait to sit at the bar and sample a fruity summer cocktail.

As we wandered back down Spencer Lane there was an old black and white movie being projected onto one of the laneway walls – very cool . I can’t wait to see more of this in Brisbane.

• Urbane Restaurant, 179 Mary St, Brisbane +61 7 3229 2271

If you get a Christmas bonus from the boss this year, Aria is the place to spend it.  I’m struggling to think of a better in venue in Brisbane when it comes to food, service and scenery.

If you got sucked into the reality TV extravaganza that was MasterChef Australia, then you’ll know that the original Aria is Matt Moran’s signature restaurant in Sydney.  I was so excited to hear that he was bringing Aria to Brisbane – who could justify buying flights to Sydney just to experience fine dining from some dude who helped make Average Joes famous?!

Aria in Brisbane has taken over residence from one of Brisbane’s most well known seafood restaurants, Pier Nine, down on the Eagle Street Pier.  For some reason I have always found the vast interior of this venue a little bit sterile and overall ambience boring, but that certainly didn’t dampen my Aria experience.

My table of four had an early sitting in the dining room after sharing a bottle of Billecart Salmon Brut Rose in the bar – we were celebrating a 35^th birthday and Christmas after all.  I was delighted to see they stocked my favourite champagne and it was a great start to the evening, overlooking the spectacular Brisbane River and lights of the Story Bridge.  The wait staff were well presented, well spoken, and had exceptional knowledge of the wine list and dinner menus.  We all agreed it was one of those occasions that probably wouldn’t be repeated in the near future due to the cost, so we went all out on entrees, mains, desserts and we weren’t shy with the vino.

The range of entrees made it near impossible to make a decision.  I decided on the scallops entrée – pan fried with sweet corn puree, cauliflower beignet with caper and sultana dressing.  I never order scallops because I am so fussy with how they’re cooked – I couldn’t fault this dish however and the combination of flavours really was a taste sensation.  MM chose the sashimi special – yellow fin tuna sashimi and tartar tasting plate, decorated with green beans and a delightful anchovy mayonnaise.  We are sashimi snobs and this was possibly the best we’ve tried.  My female companion K chose the gnocchi and beef ragout special which almost made me regret my entrée choice.  This was all washed down with a deliciously smooth yet flavorsome Coonawarra Balnaves Cabernet Sauvignon.

Onto the mains and again the choice wasn’t easy, which really troubles me because I am notorious for my poor menu choices and drive MM crazy as my fork spends more time poking around his plate than my own.  The snapper dish caught my attention as it was flanked by pippis, ginger, shallots, baby bok choy and black bean sauce.  The black bean sauce was gentle and didn’t over power the favour of the fish and complemented the pippis perfectly.  A sigh of relief from my friends as they realised I wouldn’t be pilfering their mains.  MM and J both chose the special – pave of beef with a side of mash and roasted vegetables.  The beef really did melt in your mouth and like most men with a juicy slab of meat in front of them, they were very reluctant to share.  K enjoyed her 200g Blackmore Wagyu rump and we shared a generous side of the garlic and chilli broccolini.

I didn’t have much room left in the dessert pocket, but thought it rude of me to sit and watch everyone else indulge.  MM and I chose the Valrhona Chocolate delice with chocolate sorbet and J chose the doughnuts with strawberries and cinnamon ice cream.  All faultlessly presented, the doughnuts were the pick of the two dishes and regrettably I really was too full to enjoy my rich, chocolaty tart.  It didn’t stop there though – we were surprised when a complimentary plate of petite fours arrived with our coffees, which would have been ample dessert for all of us…if only we’d known.  The turkish delight and macadamia nougat were perfectly textured and I was heart broken that I couldn’t fit more than one (or was it two?) of each in my overloaded belly.  Unfortunately Aria is not the kind of establishment that you can pocket your leftovers and save them for later.

We had our waddles on as we said thank you and goodnight to our friendly wait staff.   If I had to make a negative comment about our time at Aria it would only be that it’s a little too perfect – it’s not a venue that copes well with rowdiness or banter and at this time of year (or is it me and my friends?!) it’s a little hard to avoid that festive spirit.  This aside, it really was an exceptional experience.

• Aria, 1 Eagle St Pier, Brisbane +61 7 3233 2555

I’m not really an advocate of sports that involve hitting, punching, kicking, chopping and generally beating the crap out of other people….but throw me into the bush on a sweltering hot day, with cammo gear, a gun that fires pellets of paint and a bit of nervous adrenalin – it’s game on!

Until earlier this week, I’d never played paintball before but had heard it was a pile of fun.  Imagine a bunch of action-deprived IT nerds being let lose in the bush, with weaponry and armor that makes them feel like super heroes?  It’s absolute carnage.

Whilst I don’t have an alternative to compare it to, Top Gun Paintball centre in Keperra is what you’d expect from a facility that promotes combat style sports….it’s dirty, dusty, derelict and located in the middle of nowhere with all the creepy crawlies.  The staff are pretty laid back, and probably could’ve been a little more sensitive towards those of us who’d never played before, but all in all they were pleasant and took good care of our group.

We spent some time going through the rules of engagement and the more I learnt, the more nervous I got.  We were kitted up with over-sized, homeboy style cammo gear, which was pretty amusing for all involved and the women were given a breast plate to protect the essentials.  Protective facemasks are provided and are compulsory wearing as long as you’re in the combat zones.  You can hire additional protective equipment such as arm/leg pads at an extra cost, but being brave souls (or perhaps stupid) we decided to go without.

Enter the combat zone.  The first activity was a basic game of “steel the other team’s flag” – my heart was beating through my chest plate and the sweat beads were forming in anticipation.  But as the start whistle blew, my legs refused to move, and my trigger finger didn’t seem interested in engaging.  I had nothing.  I went into survival mode…or was it coward mode?  Somehow my team managed to snag the flag of the opposing team but I had made zero contribution.  As they celebrated a win, I hung my head….I was a failure to my fellow troops.  So, with one game down and five to go I picked up my bottom lip, sucked in some deep breaths, pulled my baggy pants up and stuck my chest out.  Go hard or go home right?

Game two was the same game, with the same result – my team won…but this time there was a new soldier in camp!  I covered my wing men with rapid fire and knocked the opposing troops out one by one as we advanced towards their coveted flag.  Flag in hand, I remained untouched by the opposing team’s bullets of yellow paint.  Others in my team weren’t so lucky and were lifting their sleeves to reveal large red marks on areas that had been shot.  Ouch.

The combat exercises that followed were a mix of defensive and offensive activities that required speed, stealth, confidence and bucket loads of paint pellets.  Lucky for me, I’m pretty quick on my feet and vertically challenged….the grass in the combat zone was at waist height, so I could crouch down and run through without being noticed.  My string of success however didn’t last and before too long I too was sporting red marks on several body parts.  But there was so much adrenalin pumping through my body that the pain was negligible.

Paintball isn’t for the faint hearted and it identified those of us who were too competitive (or too stupid) to back down.  As we progressed through the afternoon’s combat exercises, the troops were starting to feel the pinch.  It was 35 degrees, our masks were fogging up and many were hurting from war wounds.  My team was still in the lead and with only one exercise to go, it was time to put the nails in their coffins.

This final combat required the teams to advance towards a target (a milk crate) and instead of having the retrieve the target, a soldier was to sit on it for a period of 30 seconds and cop a barrage of fire for that time, to claim the victory.  As my team advanced through the bunkers, I ducked and weaved until I had reached cover only 2 metres from the crate.  I looked back at my team, and saw that many had fallen, taken down by rapid fire.  From the sidelines my name was being called to take to the crate, but I thought there would be others who should take the glory (eg the men!).  Seconds that felt like minutes passed, and still there were no takers.  The opposing team seemed reluctant to advance also.  I knew then that if this victory was to be, it was up to me.  I sucked in one last breath, put my head down and sprinted for that crate.  With my hands over my head I tucked into the fetal position and copped a barrage of fire from the opposition.  Perhaps even my own team had turned on me in the heat of the moment?

After what seemed like an eternity, the final whistle blew and there were cheers of victory from my team.  The trophy was ours.  I did a body check – arms, legs, head – all still intact.  My body was burning all over and my head was pounding, but as I stood to survey the carnage, I was surrounded by cheers and back slaps in admiration of my bravery and sheer stupidity.

It was brutal, it was hot and it hurt – lots.  Five days later I’m still black and blue.  So would I play paintball again?  Not sure….but I don’t regret playing it and it gave me a huge respect for the soldiers who do this sort of thing for a living.

If you’re adventurous with a high pain threshold plus happy to sport a few war wounds, it’s a no brainer – you have to give the team at Top Gun Paintball a call. Maybe wait til winter!

• Top Gun Paintball,  Glengarry Rd, Keperra +61 7 3847 1933

I’ve bragged before about the beauty of my expense account, but whether it’s my money or someone else’s, I know when I’m getting ripped off.  Fifth Element brings an air of arrogance to Southbank (not that it’s too out of place) and it’s wound to 11, as are the prices.

I’d wanted to sample the cocktails at Fifth Element since it first opened – the bar and lounge areas are really funky, with cool waterfalls and oil burners scattered throughout and an ambience that always looks inviting as a passerby.

I arrived with a large group of colleagues and customers and threw the card behind the bar.  This usually arouses the interest of bar staff, but in this case I got nothing.  I tried some small talk with the bartender and even suggested he exercise his creative style by surprising me with my first cocktail.  Still nothing.

In the end I selected the Blood Orange cocktail which came presented in a stylish, tall glass.  It looked impressive but lacked that zing you expect from a fruity summer cocktail.  I suspect it wasn’t made with much love.  Fortunately my guests were all happy with beers in hands and we were lucky to have a long dry bar to sit at, which adequately catered for everyone’s tired legs.  Finally the wait staff caught on to the fact I was running a bar tab for this group and decided to provide us table service for drinks, which was a nice touch.

My temporary pleasure was dampened, however, when I requested a glass of Voyager Estate Sav Blanc and was promptly informed by the wine promoter that they had run out. Instead, I should try the wine he conveniently happened to be carrying around the establishment.  I sampled his sell, wasn’t particularly impressed, but agreed to buy a glass.  It was too tart and I couldn’t finish it so took to the bar in search of the extensive wine list. Scanning the room as I waited to be served, I noticed a shelf full of the Voyager Estate Sav Blanc I had originally requested!  Not impressed by the wine promoter’s dishonesty, I notified the bartender of what had happened, but again…nothing.

As an hour or two passed the group was getting peckish so I suggested we order some tapas.  I left one of my customers in charge of selecting the nibbles and some 30 minutes later I asked him what he had ordered.  His response shocked me.  He refused to order any food due to the prices and the lack of ‘simple’ food.  There were no chips/wedges or basic breads to share and the tapas were over priced for what was being offered.  I appreciated his sentiments to not abuse my credit card, but I was hungry too so against better judgment I ordered four plates of chicken skewers and four plates of calamari.  They were close to $15 per plate, each plate lucky to cater for two people’s appetite.  I must admit though, they were very tasty dishes.

Overall I had a pleasant night, but I can’t say I’d recommend Fifth Element to others.  The drinks were only slightly above average, but I would expect better service from an establishment that obviously prides itself on image and fancy cuisine (the a la cart menu is very posh).  I think the owners have forgotten that us Brisbanites are pretty casual, simple creatures and if they’re to be successful in bringing a bit of Melbourne to our town, they need to tone down the arrogance and wind up the love.

• Fifth Element Bar and Cellar, 1b/188 Grey St, South Brisbane +61 7 3846 5584

I called on Saturday afternoon to book for dinner, and was told we could come at 8. It was a tad late (this is Brisbane after all), but clearly this was a popular place and they were lucky to fit us in at all, right? Wrong. We arrived at 8 to find barely a third of the tables occupied. So that got us off on the wrong foot.

Perusing the menus, we were surprised at the high prices – all of the mains were $35 – and felt misled by their ad in the Entertainment Book which priced the mains at $22 to $32. That was strike two. So we tempered our appetites and ordered a few tapas-style sharing plates rather than full mains.

There was nothing particularly wrong with the food or the cocktails at Salon, but nor were they particularly remarkable. Passable but expensive.

Strike three, for us, was the service. Don’t get me wrong, it was polite and reasonably prompt, but we detected an air of suppressed snobbery. It was as if our waiter had taken one look at us, presumed that we were neither rich nor stylish enough to be Teneriffe regulars, but decided to be overly friendly in a way that was almost patronising; as if to say “You’re not good enough for this place, but I’m going to be nice to you anyway, even though you don’t deserve it, because that’s how good a waiter I am”. This may sound a bit harsh, but it just made the experience a bit uncomfortable.

We wouldn’t recommend you go out of your way for Salon, it’s not worth it.

• Salon, Shop 5A, 110 Macquarie St (Cnr Florence St), Teneriffe +61 7 3252 3911

I heard a rumour that Brisbane was the third most expensive city in the world, and as I scanned the interweb for some substantial evidence, my initial source wasn’t far from the truth.  In 2009 Brisbane came in at 7^th in the world for median monthly unreserved parking rates and 14th in the wold for median daily parking rates.  In terms of daily parking rates, Brisbane suffered the biggest rise in Australia, up 19 per cent to $47.50 a day, compared to Sydney, down five per cent, to $55. And where they really sting you is the first hour.  I paid over $20 for one hour at Eagle Street – ouch!

But I admit that it’s my choice – as long as Brisbane City Council buses continue to not show up and the cabbies continue to not know where the hell they’re going, my back pocket will continue to be raped by the parking station kings.

Teppanyaki isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and more often than not you’ll find that an evening in front of the Japanese BBQ plate will leave both your stomach and wallet feeling a little empty.  My most recent teppanyaki experience was at Kabuki which is heralded as one of Brisbane’s best Japanese restaurants.  Following my March 09 escape to Osaka, I doubted that it would cut the mustard.  However, as I waddled out of the said venue earlier this week, I concluded it was worthy of its title.

This visit to Kabuki was a corporate affair sponsored by one of my business partners, so I must admit there was little concern about the price tag for the evening.  However in the interest of BNE: HOT OR NOT readers, I ensured one eye was kept on the menu and wine list for those who may have to dip into their own bank account to eat there.

At 6pm on Tuesday evening the large restaurant, decorated as you’d expect for a Japanese venue, was empty with the exception of the wait staff.  They kindly offered my party of three a seat at the end of a large BBQ plate which caters for ten patrons in total.  With nothing but chirping crickets in the background, I wondered if we would be experiencing teppanyaki by ourselves and to be honest I didn’t think it was going to light us up.  By the time we had selected a bottle of Stella Bella Sav Blanc ($40) from the tidy and slightly over-priced wine list, our BBQ plate was surrounded by two other couples and a party of three.

As the group settled, our Japanese chef Tommy stealthily appeared and started the show with a brief display of knife wielding and spatula spinning before launching into the BBQ-ing process.  The BBQ we selected was a good compromise between quantity and price per head ($60).  The ‘Botan’ option provides ample portions of cooked-to-order salmon fillet, teriyaki chicken pieces, as well as prawns in soy and garlic.  For the more adventurous foodies, the prawn heads are of course squashed and pan fried for consumption – worth doing, if you can block out the fact that you’re eating eye balls and legs.  As 7.30pm ticked over our table was only half way through the culinary delights (my party of three was well into the second bottle of wine) and the venue was pumping and packed to the gunnels with a good mix of clientele.  As I scanned the room I couldn’t help but snigger at the other patrons who were cleaning fried rice or egg from their clothes and faces whilst trying to avoid singed eyebrows.  If you’ve done teppanyaki before, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

Also on the serve were melt-in-your-mouth cubes of marinated eye fillet as well as fried rice and mildly spicy stir-fried mixed veggies.  There was a trio of dipping sauces to accompany the tastymorsels, as well as a garden salad with a tangy, creamy dressing and a warm bowl of miso soup.

Although I quite enjoyed the company I was dining with, the conversation didn’t last long as Tommy’s antics held our attention and I was never quite sure what might get thrown my way if I took my eyes off him.  He also entertained us with Japanese renditions of River Dance and Queen’s We Will Rock You and regularly took the mickey out of his clientele as well as himself.

As the evening drew to a close almost three hours after we first sat down, the punters at our table were akin to a bunch of old mates and showed reluctance to be removed from the venue they were now settled into.  The sizzle from the other BBQ plates in the room, along with the shrieks of laughter from the entertained clientele ensured the vibe didn’t end too abruptly.  As Tommy powered down the BBQ and said his goodbyes, he cleverly signed off with thanks with some ‘salt art’, which was a nice touch.

Kabuki is definitely a worthwhile experience, especially if you’ve never sampled teppanyaki before. If you’ve got a group of mates who appreciate well crafted food and entertainment, I wouldn’t look past Kabuki.

• Kabuki Japanese Restaurant, Stamford Plaza Brisbane Hotel, Cnr Edward and Margaret Sts, Brisbane +61-7 3221 1999